Love Languages

By: Laura K.

Every time you visit, you tell me we’re out of toilet paper, even though we’re not.

I’d stock the guest bath with an extra roll. Two. Three!

No luck. You still wrote it on the shopping list. I couldn’t win.

Finally (!), I realized it wasn’t about toilet paper. You wanted to feel needed, helpful.

So next time you visit, I will leave you four thin squares clinging to the cardboard, as a gift. You will know how much I still need you.  

But if you piss me off, I will build you a scale-model Charmin Taj Mahal. Your move, Mom.

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